This fall was a very muted one for me, both in fall colors and my emotional state. I haven’t slipped all the way into depression, but apathy is becoming way too comfortable.
Just like in the photo above, I could look at the details and find bits of beauty; the rocks, the splashes of color, the mountains, and the lake. And yet, the overall feeling is just OK, nothing special, kind of like my life. There is nothing really wrong with my life. I have my health, a job, income, an apartment, and friendly neighbors. But I busy myself with routines; working, volunteering, reading, and watching videos and movies. I rarely leave the house, except for work and errands, I rarely reach out, see friends, or do anything social. I don’t have a partner, and I haven’t traveled for fun in over 10 years. My life is lacking romance, adventure, purpose, and social connections.
I’m aware of the situation, my feelings, and even ways to get back on track as in this post 11 Ways to Get Back Up, yet I’m not taking any action to change or improve my life. I’m not content, but I’m not motivated either. It’s hard to say when or if I will take action to improve my life. The last time I was proactive was in my early 50s, and I’m now 64.
Thank you for reading and caring. I’m still amazed at how many subscribers and friends I have on this blog, some for many years. There have been many times that this blog has been a lifeline keeping me afloat as I struggled with challenges (internal and external). And yet, even my blog has become another routine that I feel less and less motivated to keep going. I wonder if I would be better served to focus more on living my life, and less on writing about it. I’m concerned that blogging has become a poor substitute for living.
As I’ve written before, I may take a break from this blog. This is my first post in almost three weeks. Or maybe I simply need new topics or directions for my blog. Thank you for your love, support, comments, and presence.
I hope you find or create more beauty, joy, and love in your life.