I’ve been thinking about grace, faith, and trust a lot recently. At 60, I still don’t have much trust in myself, life, or a higher power aka God. Deep down, I don’t really trust that things work out for the best. Trust seems like foreign territory for me. Trust requires taking action and believing things will work out. In 40+ years of trying, I haven’t figured out a fulfilling career path, my heart’s desires, relationships, or a sense of purpose with my life. I share all this as background, reminding myself why I need to make some changes in my life.
Several fellow bloggers have posted about following their dreams. I’m excited for them to be following their dreams, but I’m not even sure that I have dreams anymore.
Reading my previous posts on grace like All I Want for Christmas is Grace, it becomes clear that faith is a large stumbling block in my life. That post on grace is as true for me today as it was in 2011. I’m still wanting to transform from a doubting Thomas into a trusting Peter. It seems that faith is required to open the doors of grace and create flow in life. Faith has been elusive in my life even though I’ve been on a spiritual quest since the late 1980s.
But rather than bemoan my lack of progress, I’ve decided to select action as my watchword and project for 2019. I know that not taking action has been a big part of why my life has gone fallow. I believe it’s time to set some goals, take action, risk failure, and learn more about what works and what I most value through trial and error. I’ve been too afraid of making mistakes, often doing nothing which perversely has turned out to be the biggest mistake of all. I also believe that by taking more action, I will build more trust in myself and abilities.
Thankfully, I’ve had some moments of faith peeking through lately and will also be working on building faith this year.
I can’t seem to pick one watchword for 2019, but trust, action, and faith all are calling me. I want to take more risk and action, while also building more trust in myself and faith in a higher good.
Maybe this will be a year of finding faith and allowing grace into my life. Paradoxically, I also want to make this a year of personal responsibility, taking more action, and creating a life of meaning. Wishing you a season of love and grace.
Happy New Year, Brad