This week Awesome Stories brings you the art of holding space.
Holding Space
They hold me in their beautiful, spacious container of caring so I can soften into the pain, acknowledge it, and let it go instead of being trapped in a shit storm of grief, anger, and loss. ~ Lynn Hauka
Very few times in my life has someone offered a genuine loving space, free of judgment, advice, or fixing. Our culture is so oriented toward solutions, doing, success, etc. that it bleeds over into our friendships, workplace, and even counseling. Only one counselor that I’ve seen understood and knew how to hold space for their clients. Victoria was so good at this, that I felt loved and welcomed simply by walking into her office. She created a loving and welcoming space in her office that allowed me to feel safe, relax, be myself, and find my own answers. It was by far my best experience with counseling. Unfortunately, I never found another counselor who was good at holding space and creating a loving, welcoming atmosphere.
What do we mean by holding space?
Heather Plett defines holding space as the ability to create a safe zone for others; free of judgment, advice, or fixing others. Others, define it by the ability to be fully present, willing to share the journey with someone else, with no preconceived idea of where things will go. You’re willing to open your heart, be fully present, let go of control, and offer unconditional support
Thankfully, I’ve experienced this with a few of my friends, and one counselor, as I mentioned above. Even if I can’t always define holding space, I sure know what it feels like to receive such complete compassionate presence from someone else. I imagine this is what good parents do for their children. They hold loving space for them to be nurtured, grow, and become the person of their own choosing, not the parents.
Heather talks about how much she learned about holding space from Ann, a nurse providing care to her mother who modeled compassionate care and holding space. Heather offers 8 ways to practice holding space for others.
- Give people permission to trust their own intuition and wisdom.
- Give people only as much information as they can handle.
- Make them feel safe enough to fail.
- Create a container for complex emotions, fear, trauma, etc
Are you blessed with friends or family who hold loving space for you?
Wonderful post Brad, fortunately I’m blessed and thankful for loved ones who hold a loving space for me. More importantly for me is to do the same for others too. Very inspirational thanks for sharing🤗
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Thanks Isis. You are fortunate to have loved ones who can hold that space for you. blessings, Brad
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A wonderful post …
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Thank you.
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I’ve heard of holding space before but this describes it really well and I hope that I can do that for someone at some point in my life.
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Thanks Andrea. It’s a real gift to offer someone.
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Beautiful ode to holding space Brad.
And brilliant choice in authors to showcase this nothing is everything sentiment.
Thank YOU for holding space for your readers every day Brad. Your blog is a very healing place to visit. 💚 🌳
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Thank you Andrea. I’m touched that you feel I hold space here on my blog. Blessings…
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Good points. We all should think of being reserved in our judgement and allowing others to fail around us, knowing we fail at times too. Love and compassion make a big difference.
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Agreed Ron. Thanks for being on the compassion team.
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No doubt the world needs more compassion. Thanks.
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Beautiful post, Brad. I love the “holding space.” When I worked in counseling we often used symbols to create the metaphor of a holding space. It’s very comforting to be free to express ourselves freely in such a supportive environment. ❤
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Thanks= you Diana. 🙂 I can totally see you as a counselor. It’s a profession that I considered.
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I loved the profession, Brad. It was pure heart-based work. You would be good at it. 🙂
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Thank you Diana. I suspect that I would, but am unsure that I am willing to do the schooling at my age, 60.
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I went back to school at 45, but I can relate. And, I’m certain you know, there are tons of ways to be a helper without years on school and student loans. 🙂
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Thanks for understanding. At 60, it seems too much. Any suggestions for helper careers that can pay the bills?
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Ummm… that’s the problem. My efforts are all volunteer at this point.
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Oh well.
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I’m a little late to the game here, but I really felt moved to comment on this one. First, I love the themes and where your Awesome Stories are going. Second, a lot of my training involved learning how to bear witness and hold space for others while being totally present. As a meditation teacher, I was explicitly warned not to “be a counselor” because I could open myself up to litigation. While that sounds a little scary, it just gives more credence to bearing witness and creating a loving environment for people.
To that end, we DO need more of that in our society. So often we listen to reply, to give advice, to fix – as you said. But what we sorely need more of is just listening to understand. Listening while being fully present. Thank you for calling attention to this. 🙂
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You are most welcome Cynthia. I’m glad you will be holding space for others. Blessings…
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Beautiful share, and loved your thoughts Brad on holding Space in our hearts.. Being Non-judgemental while listening responsively was also part of my training in mental health.. Being Present and listening is the heart of holding space..
Thank you Brad for sharing this.. ❤
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Thank you for caring Sue. I’m glad to hear you (and others) are trained to listen and be non-judgmental. Those seem key foundations for helping others.
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Its essential or you are already forming bias opinions.. that will reflect in your answers..
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Dear Brad,
Thank you for this very helpful post! I wish to find that person who can provide me such holding space you mentioned here.
You’re the best!
Xoxo,
Aina
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Thank you Aina. It’s a wonderful gift, and sometimes we have to do that for ourselves. Hugs and acceptance, Brad
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Another great share and very true…..as a parent it is a critical concept in raising children….thanks.
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Agreed Kirt. Kids do so much better with a nurturing environment.
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Beautiful words written Brad and yes even I have a great family and I love them and even they though life is not always the way we want it to but then we all come to terms and all is good.
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Wonderful Kamal. I’m glad that you have the love and support of family. And of course, we still face challenges. Blessings, Brad
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Yes absolutely Brad and I hope you too have a great family and friends who support us and we do the same.
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Some friends, but not the deep love and support I’d like.
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K but never mind if it is in your life u will sure find otherwise enjoy being who u r Brad.
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Thanks.
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Welcome
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