Autumn Changes

/ October 27, 2015

Autumn Changes

transformation, letting goThis is a post I hoped to never write. I’ve been stewing about it for days (weeks, months). My life has been in a downhill slide for the past 4 years. I’ve hinted at some of the issues, but pride kept me from going into too much detail. So here’s the messy truth.

I’ve been out of work for 2 of the last four years. In the process, I’ve been living off my savings and making poor investment choices so that I’m nearly broke. Clearly, it would have been better to find a roommate or temporary job sooner. A couple of weeks ago, I decided to put my house up for sale. I wasn’t sure I wanted to sell, but it seemed like my best choice to free up some money. Surprisingly, after putting my house for sale, I received an offer in 2 days. So it seems I will be saying goodbye to the home and gardens I have lovingly created.

Now, I feel sad and nervous about this choice, and yet peeking through, I also feel a sense of excitement. Maybe I can turn this into an opportunity to reboot my life, creating a life of passion again, living simply and focusing on two things; enjoying life and helping others. Next, I’ll need to find an inexpensive place to live. I’m even asking the question of whether I want to stay in Fayetteville, or start fresh somewhere else.

This is all I know for today. I feel a mixture of sad, nervous and excited. The closing is in less than 4 weeks, so I need to move quickly. I’m working on accepting and flowing with what the universe seems to be supporting for me. I’m tired of the financial and emotional struggles from the last few years, although it has taught me compassion for people living in poverty and financial hardship.

I wish I knew how to trust, myself and the universe, but I don’t. Somehow, I need to decide what next and reboot my life. It would be nice to find peace and clarity in my path. Prayers and suggestions are welcome. Thanks, Brad

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75 thoughts on “Autumn Changes”

  1. Hi Brad, we ended up selling our home a few months ago for slightly different reasons, and at the time it felt very, very difficult. The emotional connections to the living and soulful aspects of our home were really strong and in some ways moving felt like wrenching a part of ourselves out of the floor boards.

    Until we left, I felt terrible, didn’t want to do anything and felt scared of the change. The freedom, joy and peace we’ve found with a less urban life has been worth it though. I think moves are always so hard though.

    Struggle is something we go through, and the only way out is through, in the end. I think being, feeling and understanding that struggle isn’t shameful at all helps. But all of the feelings you have are a part of the process. It’s scary when you don’t know where life is leading you. I hope this journey brings you joy, and that you are treated kindly in the process.

    Sent from my iPhone

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    • Hi Nicci. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. I’m glad that your move has brought positive changes. As you mentioned, right now, I’m feeling stuck in the process, even though I know I need to move forward. I appreciate your encouragement to embrace the feelings and keep moving. Thank you…

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  3. My gorgeous friend,

    There is a voice in you. Maybe it’s confusing right now but there is a voice and it’s all good and loving and warm and guiding. I know people hate when I say shit like this in tough times but I promise you are where you need to be.

    I love the rawness and hope of your post, guy.

    Listen listen listen. No judgment. Something brilliant your way comes.

    Sending HUGE love and hugs to you this minute.

    And always. šŸ™‚

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  6. It certainly took a lot of courage to write this post. Wishing you well on your new journey.

    I had to move suddenly 3 yrs ago when my life was turned upside down at the hands of my spouse. I lost most of what I had and basically had to rebuild my life from scratch. The one thing I’ve come to understand /realize is that eventhough our possessions reflect much of the life we were fortunate enough to create, they do not compensate for the friends and family who support us and give us a sense of belonging.

    Writing has been my therapy since, and I’ve written about my journey on several occasions. Thankfully, the pain and loss is not at the forefront of my mind or writing anymore as I’ve begun making new memories as I rebuild. Of course I do miss the life and things I once had, but this new chapter has opened new doors and for that I am eternally as I still have “life” and will try to live it to the fullest.

    Blessings and good luck!

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  7. Hi Brad, I’m very sad to hear your news. I can imagine that it is a big step to sell your house and that you are sad. But you know, maybe this will lead to something new that is good for you. I wish you the strength to overcome all this well and that your future has some good things for you. I squeeze my thumbs for you, kind regards Mitza

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  8. Change is never easy. Whether it is something we initiate, or something that is thrust upon us without notice, there always seems to be apprehension about departing from the status quo, regardless of how sure we are that something, in fact, needs to change. I’ve been there, and to be honest, continue to be there on many different fronts. I can empathize with the uncomfortable difficulty of your situation, Brad.

    I am reminded of two quotes from Joseph Campbell that I humbly offer …

    “Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.”

    “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”

    Positive thoughts and vibes for a successful and meaningful transition to something that may not necessarily be bigger, but hopefully much better. Peace, my friend.

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  9. Hi Brad, I love the honesty of this posting and I can relate to aspects of it. From time to time, I feel a restless uneasiness and it’s a strange feeling, over time, I realized that “change” can create such side effects. The sands are shifting, but remember you are building a stronger and more relevant you – that makes for a powerful foundation. Remain positive and never doubt yourself. Stay the course. Peace and love, Harlon

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  10. Hi Brad, I’ll be sure to send a prayer your way as you go through this. There has been a huge shift in Universal Energy especially lately so there is a lot of struggle at the moment. In a way I feel there is a sign in what you are sharing, that good things will come your way once again as you move through it. I’m holding so much compassion for you as it can’t be easy to have to sell your home like that. Love and light, Lisa

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  13. Facing our truth takes a lot of courage. Well done Brad!
    It is the first step towards a different outcome … And a life that brings meaning and happiness. Good luck in taking steps into a new way of living and being. šŸ’›

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  14. Hello my friend,
    I am so glad you shared this post with all of us. To me, it sounds like you made the best decisions you could make each step of the way during the past 4 years. And those choices will bring you to new doorways that hold new opportunity and new people that will enter your life. These difficult times have already brought you beautiful gifts that in time you will look back, and connect the dots with a smile. Brad, your light shines so bright that you will always see your path – even if just one or two steps at a time. Keep your thoughts as pure and loving as you can – all will be well. My love and prayers are with you. Richard

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  15. You do know what I’m going to say, don’t you? If I were in your shoes I’d be on my knees and turning it all over to the Lord. I expect we’ve all been in similar situations before and those of us who are ancient like me know that for every door that closes in life there is another that opens, and the new door usually opens up new and better things. And that is my prayer for you. I agree with YesRising’s comment. I’m sorry you had to lose your house and garden, but but this too shall pass and there will be other houses and other gardens to build and settle into. Love and hugs, N šŸ™‚ ā¤

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    • Thank you dear Natalie. This has been a humbling experience and opportunity to go deeper into self and spirit. So yes, turning to God. I gratefully accept your prayers and reminder to surrender and be open to new opportunities. Hugs received… šŸ™‚

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  16. I’ve experienced something similar: over three years ago I foolishly aborted a steady career and have moved several times since – was unemployed for over a year. It’s incredibly hard to keep trust in the universe and in the purpose of life in circumstances like these. You have my sympathy.

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    • Thank you for your understanding and compassion. It has been very humbling since it was my poor choices that wiped out my money. And yes, trust and confidence have been hard to come by the last couple of years. Yet, gratefully, I do feel a building of hope that something good can come of this. Thank you, Brad

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  17. I believe the “next” will come to you. You will know what to do and where to go. The next door will open when your mind is open and your heart listens. Sending you warm thoughts and blessings. Much love, Tiny

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  18. Courage you have, action you have… now acceptance and trust what comes next. All you have to keep doing is making choices and allowing the rest to fall into place. We want to sell our house but it won’t, we won’t buy again because especially in Spain the house market won’t pick up for many years… Renting is the way of the future for us and frees up the money to spend wisely. Part time work doing something you love would be nice though… something around people maybe. In the meantime breathe deeply and maybe begin writing your own book…. just start somewhere and see where it brings you. Take care Brad and as someone said above, you are in the perfect space and all is well. Love Barbara x

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  19. I have so many things on my mind to say about this Brad, but I’m afraid it would get too lengthy for a comment space. I truly feel for you and all of the varying emotions you’re experiencing. And I can relate somewhat. I think I’ve eluded to the fact that my own life recently underwent a massive overhaul, and I’m still trying to find my way. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers my friend, sending you my very best wishes, and lots of love…
    xo
    ā¤

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  20. Thank you very much for sharing….life presents some interesting challenges as we journey forward. I think you know where I would turn to and have throughout my entire life. I still struggle with letting go and letting him take the wheel if you will. I know that sounds nice and easy, but trust me it hasn’t been….I walked away from a very successful career a couple of years ago to pursue my love of photography and art. It was an early retirement and I felt this pull to make a drastic change while I could. My Dad has dementia and is 90…my Mom passed from cancer when she was 60 (I’m 61). All of that said, I have had the support of an incredible wife (who had to go back to work) and our kids have been great. We sent all of them through college and did the weddings (3 girls)…all of which chewed into our “retirement”, but I have no regrets, but have stressed over finances for the last few years and guess what….He has always come through and taken care of our needs….many times from unexpected ways and places. It has been a very difficult spiritual journey for me personally, but also very rewarding in a deep way. We sold our family home in San Diego, lived in Seattle for 6 months and now live in the Phoenix area….none of which was by design, just that voice and nudge to follow a path I still don’t know where it will lead…..but I know one thing…it is the path I am suppose to be on…have made many new friends and am healthy….I am blessed with an incredible family and am thankful for all of the blessings I have received….all of this to say….”You are not alone!” I mean that spiritually as well as from a human perspective. More people than you know have faced these same issues and come out the other side! You have my prayers! Keep the Faith!!

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    • Thank you for sharing more about your journey Kirt. Kudos on finding your passion and path. My faith is growing, though rather vague. I can practice the presence of spirit, but don’t know how to translate that into choices and action. Many of us have challenges. Sometimes the sharing helps lift the burden or receive new ideas. Part of my path is to uplift others and share the journey. I believe that we are all going to the same point even if we call it different names and religions. Peace to you and yours.

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  24. Prayers for sure, Brad. Congrats on making this decision. Peace is so crucial to your well-being. New doors will always open up once one makes a decision like this. And you will make a new home elsewhere, Brad. Keep focusing on that.

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  25. I appreciate your honesty and willingness to take responsibility for mistakes made along the way which contributed to current situation to some degree. Many people want to blame others for their down-turns which only serves to impede their personal growth.
    This is not about me, but I will say that I can relate to your story very well. I sense that you too, will not only survive this but will probably thrive beyond your imaginnings.
    You are a very talented photographer with a true artist’s “eye” and have a fine manner if speech – both inspiring.
    Another advantage going forward to the next chapter is that you seem to have many caring friends to assist in so many needful ways. People love to help out others when given an opportunity. Allow them to do so. I believe that is a big reason why we are here.
    I also believe that everyone is “going through” something whether we know it or not. I just assume it and cut people alot of slack.
    Let go of the fear and any doubts or uncertainties, you don’ t require a visible safety net – you are your own salvation. Claim it and move forward with great zeal, enthuism and courage – one step at a time.
    Please let us know your progress as we are eager to hear of your new life.
    Fresh start, new beginnings – even as a birth…painful. .but oh so worth it!
    Need assistance with move..let us know.

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  26. Brad – I’m a really practical person. You need to find your place, work hard and start seeing the benefits of that. I would suggest really thinking about where you have the MOST support. Maybe you’ll have to take a job that is less than you would normally consider, but doing something will be better than worrying. I wish I had more to offer than advice… good luck, friend.

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    • Hi Jacqueline. Thank you for visiting and taking the time to comment. I am open to doing many different things. First I need to figure out where to land for living. I’ve actually considered Eureka. šŸ™‚ Is the job market still boom & bust summer vs winter?

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  27. Brad you are one courageous soul.. Oh I know it may not feel like it at the moment.. But your heart is guiding you… Keep on following your heart.. As sad as it is to leave all that you have built within your home.. letting it go, is making you move into the next space.. So that you can shift the blockages surrounding you..
    I am sure as this door closes you will then have many more to open..
    Keep focused on what it is you want. and not on what you don’t want.. See your goal coming to fruition and see yourself in a new job, happy and content… Its there just waiting for you.. Believe it.. for You are creating it into being Brad..
    Follow your Spirit Brad.. Your heart and gut instincts will let you know what feels right for you..

    Trusting is the key..
    Love and Blessings my friend.. Hugs Sue xx

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    • Thank you dear Sue. I feel your blessing. I wouldn’t have called it courage, but I’m willing to perceive it differently. šŸ™‚ And I’m beginning to find a process that is working for me to keep aligned with spirit. I have one wild idea bubbling around and I’m pursuing several option. But mostly, I’m focusing more on the how as the way to find my path.

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  28. A word of caution: do not live off of the money from the sale of your home, and don’t invest the money in the stock market (it’s another form of gambling), be practical, and if need be, get a job that’s not your ideal job and bring in income (that’s why it’s called ‘work’, we get paid for it, very few people have a job they love, even artists, to make money, they have to resort to mass production, unless they are famous).

    The other option is to not sell your home, get a roommate or two and get a job, there is always work in every season, leaf raking, selling firewood, trimming bushes and cutting lawns, etc.
    Hard work never did a body harm, (unless it’s working with toxins), usually, hard work doesn’t pay well, however, it’s an honest living, one that is honourable. Hats off to the blue collar workers.

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