Daddy Issues

Is today a happy Father’s Day?

Are you at peace with your relationship to your father?

family, Daddy Issues

Mom, Dad, Rod & Uncle John

Reading posts around the internet, it appears that many of us still have “daddy issues”. I mean no disrespect. I’ve been there, had many issues with my father and gradually reclaimed my peace and restored our relationship over a lifetime.

Some of us love our fathers, some of us hate our fathers and many have a range of mixed emotions. Hopefully as we age, we learn that they did the best they could, even if it doesn’t look or feel like they did. I personally went from feeling anger and resentment over my father being mostly absent in our lives (physically and emotionally), to a place of compassion and seeing life from his perspective, ultimately embracing our oneness.

The bigger picture is that he worked crazy rotating shift work, wasn’t taught how to love or express feelings and did provide a comfortable home and life for my mom, brother and I. When I look at his childhood pictures, I see a very grim and emotionally shut down family. It’s no wonder why he didn’t express his feelings, unless provoked by my mom or alcohol.

As I opened to compassion and looked beyond the limited view I had of my father, which was highly influenced by my mother, I gradually realized they equally contributed to their unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. As many of us have learned, it takes two people to create a relationship, for the good or bad.

My life has been a journey to reclaim my ability to love and express freely.

Learning how to enjoy life without alcohol and other crutches, as well as how to deal with challenging emotions. I’m much more comfortable expressing my inner thoughts and feelings. I no longer let alcohol, pain and repressed emotion to rule my life. And most importantly, I’ve found compassion for both my father and for myself. Here’s a related post on returning to love. Forgiveness has been a big part of the process.

Dad's family, Daddy Issues

Dad’s family

As the photos of my dad reflect, we all have many “faces” that we wear over the course of a day or life. And unfortunately, too few people live aligned with their divine self, radiating the beauty of their soul in daily life. When we’re around those earth angels, we feel love, joy and complete acceptance. It feels like a blessing simply to be in their presence. Thank You!

My father died many years ago, so I had to reclaim and repair our relationship on my own. If your father is alive, I encourage you to make peace now. The good news is that I’m getting much better at letting go of sad his-stories, opening the space for joyful presents. XD

Now, I’m mostly free to be myself as I choose. Here is a related post on the power of choice. Will you set yourself free with forgiveness and compassion? It doesn’t cost anything except a little pride and the willingness to see our darkness reflected in other people.

Offering you wishes for a blessed Father’s Day.

 

 

 

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20 thoughts on “Daddy Issues

  1. Brad this is so beautiful. You have struck my heart with the love, compassion, and honesty of this post. I know your Dad feels this love from beyond. I am so happy for you to have this peace. Many blessings dear friend.

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      • It really did Brad. I got to see my Dad yesterday. We have had our difficulties and we were estranged for a very long time. Through my healing I knew I had to repair that before he left this plane. I am so grateful that we have been able to deal with the past (well, maybe not all of it) but able to get to a place where we can communicate and let love speak. It is complicated, but I am in a much better place. Thank you dear friend. 🙂

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      • Thanks for sharing Lorrie. I’m glad that you have been able to make amends with your father. My dad and I were just starting that process when he died, so I initially felt cheated. Over time, I worked on the amends internally in mind and heart. Forgiveness is good. 🙂

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  2. Well said! My father IS alive and we have a great relationship, always have actually however he never had a close relationship with either of my siblings. This, I am thrilled to say, has changed, a complete 180 over the last couple of years. They really never got to know him as I did while we were growing up and now that we are all well past the age of 50, there is not a minute goes by that we don’t find a reason to love each other even more! I echo your suggestion here with all my heart, set it RIGHT before they are out of SIGHT!

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    • Thanks Annette. It’s wonderful that you have a great relationship, and maybe have helped your siblings follow suit! I love your phrase, set in right before they’re out of sight! Thanks for sharing your perspective. blessings, Brad

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  3. Hi Brad,

    You have expressed your feelings very honestly…as we grow up we make peace with all the issues as our logical and analytical mind guides us to understand better. We become more emotionally balanced to accept our past, we mellow down.

    What if the issues concern our Father, the Almighty? What if He snatches away our happiness at the tender age? What if we try to make peace with His injustice but remember it still? What if the vacuum He gives us NEVER fills? And what if the questions keep haunting? I am sure you have some prudent answers!!

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    • Thanks Balroop, Maybe the gaps and hungers are purposeful, asking us to grow and change? I believe god is perfect love, while we as humans express in less perfect ways, and so the journey back home to love, peace wholeness and unity. some do it better than others. blessings on your path, you are a beautiful being and person. Just keep loving, self and life.

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  4. This is so refreshing to read! Yesterday I saw quite a few people expressing anger toward their fathers and it made me think of my friends who never had fathers and how that would make them feel. We all go through unfortunate circumstances and struggle with our personal relationships, but I think it is really a shame that people felt the need to spread hate on a day of celebration. Thank you for your good thoughts, Brad.

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  5. Thanks Maryn, I don’t like to spread hate on any day. 🙂 I’ve come to realize that anger, hurt, blame only hurt me and cut me off from love. So I keep working on forgiveness and love. We’re all perfectly imperfect. I hope you had a wonderful day. 🙂

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  6. Good advice, Brad, from someone who has walked the talk.
    Like you, I had to ‘make peace’ on my own. Finding the freedom to forgive and move forward has been a beautiful gift. Thanks for a heartfelt and tender piece.

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  7. Courageously honest & refreshing read Brad. That childhood photo of your father really does say a thousand words. I too lost my father years back and Father’s Day is a day of mixed emotions. All good things to you!

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  8. Thank you Lisa. It has been freeing to disclose more of my life, both aspirations and imperfections on my journey to more self compassion and acceptance. Life will keep bringing us opportunities to let go of grievances, forgive and return to love. Thanks for your kind reflections and support.

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