He Doesn’t Know

This story starts with a boy who knew he didn’t know.

He was envious of all the other children who seemed to know exactly what they wanted to do with their lives. He spent many years pursuing the goals esteemed by others. He became a good student, a good son, a good scout, a good salesperson, and good at saving money. When he  achieved what is called success (good income, home, health, and money in the bank) he found that he was still dissatisfied.

He noticed that people of faith seemed to have a certainty and trust in life that he didn’t. So he decided to stop chasing material success and instead seek spiritual understanding. But he got lost in too much reading, too much information, too many possibilities. How in the world could he pick?

If he picked one, he would have to say no to all the rest. What if he picked the wrong one? What if he failed? What if he didn’t like the path? What if there is no purpose? His mind created endless fears and reasons for not choosing. He has heard that the heart knows. But what does that mean? Once again, monkey mind was running wild.

His new goal had become enlightenment, to know the truth of life. Nothing too big or dramatic for him!

This journey of seeking peace by wanting the answers to life continued for many years. There were times of great joy, discovery and flow. And there were times of great pain, uncertainty, and inertia. Ultimately, maybe this is the game of life. Maybe our purpose is to embrace it all, the “good” and the “bad”, to accept more, and question less. He has learned that suffering is mostly caused by our resistance, judgement, and stories about life.

he doesn't know

Now he is on the verge of jumping into the mysterious territory of not knowing. That great, dark abyss of not knowing. The realm of heart and mystery. Where will he land? Will he survive? Will he die? Will he ever know anything as true and real in this mystical existence?

He still visits these caverns of mind on his trek to follow his heart, not really knowing the way. Then he remembers to breath, to soften, to listen, to allow space in his life for the unknown. He wonders if it ever ends. Will he ever know lasting peace?

In a world so mutable and changing, how can anything be true or absolute? For a fleeting moment, he thinks he knows, he has “it”, only to be surprised by an ever evolving universe of consciousness. Science tells him that he is one with all life; bits of recycled particles woven into unique patterns of life, influenced by our evolving consciousness. So very mysterious.

Is there a God? Is there a boy? Is there a right? Is there a purpose?  All he knows is that he doesn’t know. The universe is 99.999999% empty space. How’s that for humbling and mysterious?

Go in peace. Tread softly in these mystical vapors of being and doing.

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